Tonight as I sit writing this my little mr is up in the loft above my head scripting away, he is usual sound to sleep by 7:05 on the dot but the last few nights hes been awake. As a mom of a kiddo with autism I have to work hard to remind myself that he did not choose this life either. In some ways we are blessed but in others we are significantly challenged. I try hard to focus on our successes but things can unravel quickly especially if we haven’t slept. Today failure loomed over me like a dark cloud. My patience worn thin I found myself hiding in the bathroom as I felt as though I would loose my mind. Though Noah still struggles with personal space he wont come into the bathroom with me as he fears it might stink. Noahs new obsession is Sonic the Hedge hog…I heard this name so many times in the last few weeks I cringed as I typed it. He thinks about Sonic so much that he its effecting the quality of his life . He scripts the lines from Sonic video’s nonstop and tries to intergrade the topic in to every conversation, he is up all hours of the night stuck on Sonic.  The tapping my face, him clutching my face with his hands desperate for me to listen to him tell me “just one more thing about Sonic” just about sent me over the edge today, after weeks of this I just didn’t feel I could take anymore. One time I even snapped at him “NOAH JUST STOP ALREADY BUDDY” . Tears rolled down his face, he was heart broken… Tonight as he fights sleep he begs me to let him come sleep with me….I know he’s stressed, being obsessed is stressful for him… but I jut need a little bit of time to recover. At times its a careful balance of taking care of his needs while finding a little time for mine as well…Today I failed as so often parents of kiddos on the spectrum feel they do. I could only give enough to get through the day… but we survived. Tomorrow maybe we will do better, or maybe we wont.. but we will do it. ❤

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