I’m going to be off topic tonight more than usually as I just found out tonight that I lost a dear friend, and though I can’t say this to her maybe if I just put it out into the universe some how she will know finally how very much she was love. So I’m going to dedicate this blogpost tonight to her and others who struggle with mental illness

Dear Teresa,

I remember when I first met you, you were scared and quiet. After a while you warmed up to me and soon we became close friends. You could listen to me chatter on and on about all my crazy dreams and ideas and never miss a word…you really listened. You came to bible studies at my house and you even helped me clean up after. Remember my crazy idea to get rich off vintage looking floor mats ? We spent hours making floor mats that in the end stuck to floor and had to be scraped off with a putty knife ! We up scaled furniture and combed the junk stores for cool stuff to resell, we found a way to go to the gym for free and planted a garden at the community garden. You spent Christmas and Thanksgiving with my family and I, racing around cleaning and spoiling the kids. You had a never ending supply of patience for Noah. You were truly a blessing in our lives. Last year things started to get more challenging for you. Since we met I knew there was something hiding in you, picking at you, something dark and it scared you. You didn’t talk about yourself at all or your life before us. I tried to start conversations about you or your family, your life but you redirected me quickly, so I left it alone believing that you would talk in your own time, when you felt comfortable. Last fall I started working and suddenly you were alone, you told me you missed the fun times we had. I knew it was hard for you. I tried to encourage you to get out and volunteer, to make more friends, to spread your wings but you took it as rejection and started to isolate. as fall turned to winter things got darker for you. You started to act unusual, demanding and aggressive at times. Then one day you called me and announced to me Teresa was gone, now I could refer to you as Mama T ….. things got really bad for you….. from there its was a blur of angry land lords, suspicious neighbors, police, hospitals and different personalities. Things have been up and down for you since. One day you came to my house and sat on my porch, desperate for me to understand…..you told me everything, my heart broke for your hurts….. I felt honored that you trusted me enough to share your secrets, even though I couldn’t fix these things for you.  If you were standing in front of me right now, what would I say to you ?  My sweet sweet friend, you are so loved, you have so much to give, you are so good,  let that wall down and feel it and if you can’t,  fight for it, its always worth it , you are worth it ! Mental illness is not YOUR fault, ie the illness part otherwise it would be called mental your faultness. I was never upset with you because you stuggled, I was never ashamed of you, you were soooo wrong about that ! As I write this I still don’t know exactly what happened to you, but I do know that you were alone when it happened. I pray that God sent his angels down through those last difficult hours to comfort and hold you his child and brought you home finally at peace in his arms, free at last from the demons that torchered you. I love you my friend ❤

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7 Replies to “Tiny House Tears”

  1. This is disgusting. Who are you to throw her personal information out into the world like this acting like you are some sort of saint. All go a blog hit. Sick!!!

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    1. I am so sorry I offended you it was not my intention to offend anyone. My intentions was to address the stigma around mental illness as it was this stigma that kept Teresa silent, its what killed her…. If she had passed from any other illness we would not even be having this conversation. Teresa was a very close friend of mine and I know if this or any other post I write helps just one person get the help that they need she would applaud it. If she was a friend or family of yours I am so sorry for your loss. We all grieve in different ways, my way is to try to change things.   If you are at her celebration of life feel free to introduce yourself but please be gentle. I’m hurting to.

      God Bless

      Rebecca

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    2. I see nothing wrong with this article. It’s not ‘disgusting!’ nor is confidential information revealed. I didn’t read it as ‘Saint Rebecca’ throwing out dirty gossip. I read it as a love letter from one hurting friend to another hurting friend. secrets – thats why mental illness is hidden. Made to feel ashamed. The more we talk about it – the more we shine a light on it – and maybe people with mental illness won’t hide and we can rise together. Love you Rebecca 💖

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